"Soft: Rumble"

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The only Fremantle Docker not to be reported so far this year admits he has been taunted as “soft” by his rugged, more violent teammates.

“Yeah, nah, I have copped a bit of stick,” the ironically-named Darren Rumble told thebladder.com. “The boys are like, ‘What? Too good to throw a punch, pretty boy?’

“I’m like, ‘Hey, we just need to be able to put a team on the field, man,’ and they’re like, ‘Listen to the coach’s pet,’ and I’m like, “Shut up!’ and they’re like, ‘Make me!’”

Rumble stands alone among the Anchor-men as the only player not rubbed out, fined or given a reprimand for on-field thuggery, wrestling and other altercations. In all, 43 Docker players have been suspended for 193 matches, fined $2.7 million and told not to do it again 43 times in the eight rounds so far completed this season.

“I’ve just been trying to keep my nose clean,” he told thebladder.com. “You know, get some good touches for East Perth, run off my flank, hope that Chris Connolly notices my work, especially now he’s down to 12 non-suspended players for this weekend’s game.”

But Rumble’s hopes may come to nothing, as the word from Fremantle is that disgraced forward Jeff Farmer may be rushed back into the side.

“Jeff hasn’t been arrested for a whole week, has only belted a couple of water-boys at training and hasn’t physically threatened an umpire since April, so he’s pretty much good to go,” a spokesanchor said.